Out of the Shade Page 9

  When the lights flipped on to full power at the end of the night, Chuck embraced Tayshaun and promised to come see him again, and Tayshaun embraced Jesse with just as much warmth, extracting the same promise from him.

  Chuck was sober and yet punch drunk.

  He started up his truck and stared out the windshield, unsure what to say now that he and Jesse were alone.

  But it was Jesse who finally broke the silence. “You and Tayshaun…? He isn’t the pro you were with, right?”

  “No. He’s like my little brother,” Chuck said, watching Jesse’s shoulders relax with that answer. “If you really want to talk about exes right now I will, but Jesse— What you did in there…?”

  Jesse shrugged. “After how cool Emily was, and spending this weekend with you…. I didn’t want to deny it, and Tayshaun felt safe.”

  “He is.”

  “All good things start with one step, right?” Jesse smiled shyly. “Or something like that.”

  “Yeah, something like that,” Chuck repeated. He set his hand on Jesse’s nape and ran his fingers over the back of Jesse’s head. Jesse arched into the touch, his eyes slipping closed. As emotionally shocking as tonight had been for Chuck, it had to have been taxing for Jesse. “What do you want to do? Grab a hotel or drive?”

  “Let’s see how far we can drive,” Jesse mumbled around a yawn. “I really do need to get back to work on Tuesday and I’d rather not be exhausted when I go back.”

  “Britney it is, then,” Chuck said, letting go of Jesse and turning on his playlist.

  Jesse chuckled lowly and reached for Chuck’s hand as they pulled out of the parking lot. He entwined their fingers and rested his head against the window, snoring softly before they even hit the freeway.

  Chuck hummed under his breath. The energy from Britney and the warm, powerful hand in his was enough to keep him going well through the night.

  7

  Jesse kicked the duvet off his legs again and huffed in frustration. No matter which way he turned or whether he had covers on—or just the sheets, or nothing at all—he couldn’t get comfortable. His bed felt empty, and that couldn’t be because he’d had Chuck sleeping with him for the last three nights and he didn’t know how to sleep without him. It wasn’t possible.

  Except for that it was.

  Jesse clamped his eyes shut and begged for sleep to come. But now that he was well aware of just how fucked up it was that he couldn’t sleep alone in his own bed anymore, he couldn’t shake his unease. He’d already jerked off tonight in a desperate bid for taking the edge off, but even that had left him amped up and wanting instead of sated.

  He’d see Chuck again on Friday. That would have to be enough. But for now? He needed someone to vent to.

  None of the boys would be awake in the middle of the night on a workday, and he wouldn’t have called any of them anyway. But Danny’s wife, Lila, was still on maternity leave. He was just as close to her as he was to Danny—and Danny had only been half-joking when he’d told Jesse to call Lila when he was ready to talk. Lila knew to keep her mouth shut when asked.

  He grabbed his phone and sent off an experimental text. You awake?

  Her answer came right away. It’s 3 fucking am. Why wouldn’t I be?

  Jesse chuckled. Can I call? Or will I wake up your boys?

  All good. The demons are settled into their nests of hellfire.

  Jesse hit the icon to call her.

  “Hey, Sollie. What’s doing?”

  Despite the chipper words, she sounded exhausted. Jesse pinched the bridge of his nose. “Shit. I’m sorry, Lil. You need your sleep.”

  “Couldn’t sleep anyway yet. I have to pump still.”

  A mechanical noise started up in the background and Jesse frowned. “I love you, but that’s gross.”

  “It’s natural, you jackass,” she bit back—all heat and exasperated love. “So, did you call me just to insult me or was there another reason?”

  “I got…problems.”

  “Don’t we all. Is this a girl problem thing?”

  Chuck definitely wasn’t a girl, but Jesse knew what she was trying to get at. “Sort of. There’s someone I’ve been seeing, and it’s not serious….”

  “But you want it to be?”

  “I think so. Shit. I know so.” Besides the thumping noise of the pump, there was silence on the other end of the line. “You still there, Lil?”

  Lila cleared her throat. “Yeah, sorry. I was just pinching myself to make sure I was really awake. Wow, Sollie. That is…unexpected. How long have you been seeing her?”

  Jesse cringed. He hated lying to Lila—especially since she never lied to him. Instead, he swerved around the gender of said problem. “I’ve been seeing this person for about a month.”

  “This person? You really don’t want me to know who this is, huh?”

  Jesse turned on his side, staring at the side of the bed that Chuck preferred. He did want Danny and Lila to meet Chuck. Just, “Not yet.”

  “What about Danny—does he know anything about this?”

  “Not really. He picked up on something when we were playing racquetball a few weeks back but didn’t push me on it.”

  Lila hummed. “Because of the threat of bodily harm—he told me about that. What do you need from me?”

  “Just someone to listen I guess. Or for someone besides me to know that there’s someone who…. Shit. Someone who means a lot to me but I can’t have you meet yet.”

  “Ok, Sollie. That’s fair.”

  Jesse picked at the edges of his blanket. “You done pumping?”

  “Not yet. My udders are still being worked over.”

  “I really didn’t need that visual.” But he was smiling. Lila had that effect on him. “I’d like to come by soon, see the boys, and bring you dinner.”

  “I’d like that.”

  Jesse scratched a hand over his chest and cleared his throat. “One more thing, Lil. How did you know you were falling in love with Danny?”

  Lila exhaled a long breath. “Oh, Jesse.” Her voice was…sad? “You’ll know. You will.”

  “Thanks for talking to me. Get some sleep.”

  “You too. Love you, Sollie.”

  “Love you too.”

  Jesse hung up and stared at the ceiling.

  Only three more nights like this until he could be with Chuck again. The fullness in his chest—the absolute ache to have Chuck close—hadn’t dwindled since he and Chuck had left James Bay.

  He knew what it likely meant.

  He was so fucked.

  Chuck rested one hand behind his head and rested the other on Jesse’s hip.

  He’d been awake for at least an hour now, but Jesse hated it when Chuck woke him up too early. So, he tried to wait until he could feel Jesse start to stir, but this morning he wanted to talk to Jesse about something he was pretty sure was going to freak him out.

  He reached over and palmed Jesse’s cock. It was soft and warm under his fingers and, even when not at full attention, more than he could fully fit in his hand. That familiar churn of desire started in his stomach and spread through him.

  “Have you ever run a marathon?” he croaked, his voice hoarse from sleep.

  “Good morning to you too.” Jesse groaned and scooted closer to Chuck so he could continue massaging.

  He removed his hand and slapped Jesse’s stomach. If he kept up with the handjob they’d be going at it in no time and he would lose his nerve. “Come to Brighton in the spring with me. You can run the marathon.” The race was in April, but Chuck didn’t want to say the date out loud—four plus months into the future. It seemed like an insurmountable amount of time when the last conversation that had come anywhere close to talking about commitment had ended with him hanging up the phone on Jesse when he’d said they were just having fun.

  Jesse rolled the pillow under his head and turned to face Chuck. “You’re serious?”

  “Yeah, why the hell not? You said you wanted to get back in sh
ape, and you used to run. It shouldn’t take you too long to get back to a steady pace. I’ll even train with you.”

  “But you won’t run it with me?”

  “I’m working the marathon. Profiling a vet who lost his leg in Afghanistan.”

  Jesse wiped the sleep from his eyes. “He’ll probably finish before I will.”

  Will.

  Chuck grasped onto that word like the last bottle of lube in the apocalypse. Jesse didn’t look like he was freaked out, but maybe the timing hadn’t occurred to him yet. “It’s in April. April fifteenth to be exact. I can make sure you get a spot.”

  “Should be enough time for me to train….”

  Chuck grinned. “Then let’s start.”

  “What?”

  “Let’s go on a run now. We’ll take Precious with us.”

  “No way. It’s, like, ten degrees outside.”

  Chuck stuck out his finger in a show of checking the temp. “Nah, it’s got to be at least forty degrees and there’s no snow yet. Global warming and all.”

  “How many miles?”

  “Let’s just see how far you can take that knee. And gut.”

  Jesse yawned and stretched, then pulled the comforter over his face.

  Chuck’s chest tightened at the adorable feck next to him. “If you go running with me I’ll make you bacon.”

  Jesse peeked out. “Crispy?”

  “Mmhmm. And fried potatoes.”

  “Using food to bribe me into exercising is a low blow.”

  “Gotta stick with what I know works.”

  Jesse reached one arm out experimentally. “Throw me my pants.”

  Just as Chuck had suspected, Jesse had everything he needed to pick up running again. He pulled on a knit cap over his ears, a wicking t-shirt, a specialized cold-weather hoodie, track pants with a red stripe down the side that matched the hoodie, and running shoes the same shade of red.

  It took every ounce of restraint Chuck had to make it out the front door instead of tackling Jesse in his running clothes and fucking him on the spot. This was the first morning since they’d started sleeping together that they hadn’t started the day with an orgasm. And dammit if Jesse didn’t look irresistible, powerful, and strong—even while covered head-to-toe in winter running gear.

  Jesse did a couple turns up and down the four stairs leading to his front door—skipping over the same one he always did—as his breath fogged in the frigid air. “I think I hate you.”

  Chuck laughed, jogging in place at the end of Jesse’s walkway, warming his muscles up. Jesse held Precious’ leash loosely in his hand as the dog panted and whined, ready to take off.

  Chuck ran up, swatted Jesse’s ass and took off down the street. “I’m okay with that,” he yelled over his shoulder.

  It took four blocks for Jesse and Precious to catch up to him, and Chuck could already feel the endorphins settling into his system and his blood pumping, forcing the cold out of his bones. Jesse was silent, focused. He kept up a much faster pace than Chuck had anticipated. His breathing remained steady and his eyes glazed over as they clomped together on the sidewalks of Kensington.

  Somewhere around mile three—Chuck estimated from their pace and the amount of time they’d been running—Chuck’s muscles began to protest. It had been a long time since he’d run, but he couldn’t believe that the guy who claimed he was out of shape was going to outrun him. When Jesse noticed Chuck dropping back he snorted and increased his pace.

  Chuck didn’t know the streets of Kensington nearly as well as Jesse, so when they turned a corner with an oil change shop and a pharmacy, he was surprised to find they were just down the block from Jesse’s house. Thank fuck. He was exhausted. He jogged up to Jesse and bumped him with his shoulder.

  “That was awful,” Jesse wheezed out as he started to slow.

  Chuck shouldn’t have been as happy as he was that Jesse had been struggling at the end too. “And yet you feel great.”

  “Fucker.”

  Chuck leaned over to ruffle Precious’ hair. “I’m guessing you still have a hose hooked up out back?”

  Jesse narrowed his eyes. “Why?”

  Chuck didn’t answer. He unlatched the door to the privacy fence, let Precious into the house, and uncoiled the hose sitting next to the back door.

  “What are you doing?”

  “The Kensington version of the polar bear club,” he said. He rotated the spigot and shot Jesse with the stream of frigid water that came out of the hose.

  “Fuck, fuck, fuck. What the fuck?” Jesse yelled loud enough to wake the entire neighborhood.

  “Strip motherfucker!” Chuck laughed and sprayed himself as he yelped.

  The water was ice cold with the temperature hovering just above freezing. Condensation floated off his body and Jesse’s in billowing clouds. Chuck was shaking uncontrollably, but they were only steps away from the house and a steaming hot shower. He sprayed Jesse again. “I said strip!”

  Jesse complied this time, whipping off his hat then peeling off his soaking shirt and dropping his pants and underwear. He shivered then cried out when Chuck sluiced him with another jet. “Fuck. My junk has to be the size of baby corn and peanuts right now.”

  “Gross, but unfortunately true.”

  “Why do you get to stay fully dressed?” Jesse said through chattering teeth.

  Chuck gave a feral grin. Now Jesse was getting into it. He shucked his track pants and boxer briefs first, taking his shoes off as he threw them to the side into a puddle of mud forming under the spigot. The ground was warmer under his feet than he’d expected but that was probably because the rest of him was sliding into hypothermia. He unzipped his hoodie and almost ripped his shirt off. He squeaked when the water from the hose started pooling at his feet where he’d let the hose drop.

  “Shoes off,” he instructed Jesse. “One more spray then a really fucking hot shower.”

  Jesse chuckled as he slipped off his socks and shoes, then spread his legs and arms as far apart as they would go. “Do it!”

  Chuck picked up the hose and put his thumb over the opening, sending a wide forceful spray up and down Jesse’s body as the man squealed like a baby and clapped his hands over his package in a futile attempt to keep his balls from retreating farther. His eyes were scrunched shut and he was sputtering obscenities while he stood bare ass naked in the backyard of his house in December, and yet Chuck had never seen him look happier.

  “Now you,” Jesse growled.

  Jesse cracked his neck, set his shoulders, and prowled across the yard. He stood chest-to-chest with Chuck, the water droplets cascading off his hair, down his shoulders, and over his massive pecs. The muscles in Jesse’s chest flexed and twitched from the cold but Jesse stood his ground and didn’t shake. He put his hands on his hips and pressed his body against Chuck’s. The man was warm, solid, with condensation rising off him in puffs. Jesse didn’t have to say anything more to convince Chuck being naked was a great idea.

  Chuck handed the hose over to Jesse and stepped back. The first shot of water forced the air out of his lungs in one gigantic huff and he instinctively put up his hands to try and stop the spray. Every drop was like the prick of a pin needle into his skin, but he could hear Jesse’s laughter. It warmed him to the core even as his skin prickled from the harsh winter air and freezing water.

  He flipped his hair off his forehead and turned, allowing Jesse access for one good spray up his entire backside, then he was running inside the house, his breath heaving in staccato pulls as his body shivered. Jesse’s footsteps thundered right on his heels.

  Chuck bounded up the stairs and into the bathroom, throwing on the water at the highest setting. As he bent over the tub Jesse plastered himself to Chuck’s back and wrapped him into a bear hug. Chuck shivered from the contact and the droplets of water falling from Jesse’s hair. It was a playful embrace that became almost protective as they waited for the water to warm. Jesse stood them both up and turned Chuck in his arms, burying Chu
ck’s face into Jesse’s broad chest, his chin settled on Chuck’s head. The heat they shared between them was intensely erotic when mixed with the oversensitivity of his skin as it warmed under Jesse’s touch.

  “We do this the right way,” Chuck said, not moving his body from Jesse’s. “Hottest temp possible and plug the tub. If I attempt to share water with you it’s going to be like me using a bottle of Visine to shower. This way you get the spray, I get the soak.”

  “I need a bigger tub or dual shower heads. Maybe both,” Jesse mused. He kissed at Chuck’s ear, dragging his tongue against the shell then down Chuck’s neck. “God, you taste amazing.”

  Chuck’s cock was immediately at attention despite the chill that had settled into his bones. He ground against Jesse, pulling their bodies tighter against each other. The coarse hair of Jesse’s chest, legs, and groin scratched against his thighs, hips, and stomach. Chuck tipped his head back, exposing his throat. Jesse nipped at the skin, sucked it between his full lips, before moving south, tracing Chuck’s collarbone with his tongue then licking a line between his nipples, taking both into his mouth in turn with testing bites. Jesse twisted the barbell until Chuck was crying out, then Jesse was rolling, soothing the throbbing bud with his tongue.

  Chuck arched back, pushing his cock against Jesse’s, riding the sensation of the hard, smooth length against his own. Then Jesse’s hand was around them both, stroking from root to tip. Steam from the shower poured out from above the curtain and circled around them.

  The mirror fogged, whiting out the reflection of Jesse’s back in the mirror as he curled over Chuck’s body and rested his forehead on Chuck’s shoulder. Chuck’s muscles melted one by one under Jesse’s insistent pulls and the wet heat swirling around them. He had to brace himself—one hand against the slippery bathroom wall, the other gripped around the towel bar—to make sure he didn’t fall.

  “Fuck,” Jesse drew out as he shoved Chuck against the wall and thrust their bodies closer together. He put one foot on the edge of the tub, grinding against Chuck’s cock, and used the other hand to snake around to Chuck’s ass and push him up into his hand. Chuck dropped his hand from the bar and reached in between them to roll Jesse’s balls.