Out of the Shade Page 13

  “Jesse!” she called out as they shut the car doors. “Hot car. Get a good bonus?”

  “It’s Chuck’s. Lila, this is Chuck. Danny’s replacement in the league.”

  Danny stuck out his right hand as he balanced a twelve pack and paper bag in the crook of his left arm. “Merry Christmas, newbie.”

  “Do leprechauns even celebrate Christmas?” Chuck retorted.

  Danny cackled.

  Lila had Jesse wrapped in a bear hug, but she freed an arm to shake Chuck’s hand. “So, you’re the infamous Chuck.”

  Chuck glanced at Jesse. “I guess that would be me?”

  “It’s not every day we get to hang out with sports royalty,” she clarified. She slapped Jesse on the stomach. “Unless you count the three seasons of college glory with this one.”

  Chuck cleared his throat self-consciously. “I’m definitely not royalty.”

  Jesse smiled apologetically to Chuck and kissed her head, diverting her attention. “How are your boys?”

  “Hellhounds, both of them. Escape was nearly impossible, but I think I finally found the correct pentagram configuration to contain them. Who knew that ten-week-old babies could be such terrors already?”

  “What the hell are you all doing talking outside?” Kam called from the front door and waved for them to come in.

  Jesse pulled Lila into another hug, then picked her up, carrying her to the door as she laughed. Chuck offered a hand to Danny and ended up with both hands full of twelve packs—Jesse’s Stella and Danny’s Sam Adams—while Danny balanced a fifth of something and a tray of cookies that Lila had been carrying.

  Kam gave them all hugs as they walked in and Brittany was right behind him, taking coats and directing traffic.

  “Chuck, Brittany. Brittany, Chuck,” Jesse said as they moved out of the foyer and into the packed kitchen, but Brittany just waved over her shoulder with a hurried hello and was swallowed again by the crowd.

  There had to be sixty people inside the high-ceilinged great room leading to the kitchen. Chuck watched, fascinated, as Brittany flitted between the Kensington boys and her neighbors, playing the welcoming host and at the same time setting up a food station that subtly cordoned off a section of the great room that became the sole territory of the boys and their wives.

  So this is what Jesse had been talking about when he’d said the Kensington group could come off as exclusive. Asshole-level exclusionary was technically what Jesse had told him. The boys and wives congregated near the bar and neighbors would come over to make a drink and the boys would help them, maybe even make some small talk, but their focus never left each other and the constant teasing and stories. Anybody who attempted to stand with the group for longer than a couple of minutes would be lost in the sheer number of inside jokes and the obvious familiarity between the boys.

  Chuck wouldn’t have called it asshole-ish, though. None of the boys were rude, just never as overtly friendly with strangers as they were with each other.

  “Jesse! Kam!” Ryan called out from the couch. “Come over here and set Matt straight. It was the strip club in Vegas, not the karaoke bar, where he passed out in that plate of nachos, right?”

  Jesse shot Chuck a questioning look, asking if it was okay to leave. Chuck started to lift his arm to wave him off but found Lila linking her arm with his.

  “Don’t worry, Jesse, I’ve got him,” Lila said. Jesse nodded and Lila peered up at Chuck. “Ready to face the firing squad?”

  Chuck swallowed. “The wives?”

  “We’re harmless.” Lila smirked. “For the most part.”

  Chuck nodded and held tighter to Lila.

  “Ladies,” Lila greeted, sliding into their group. “Have you met Chuck? He’s the one who took Danny’s spot in the league this year.”

  Chuck set his beer down on the bar to shake their hands as Lila introduced each of them, matching them up to a Kensington boy as she went around the circle, but also taking the time to point out the impressive list of occupations they each held.

  “How the hell did any of the boys manage to land you?” Chuck asked.

  Lila laughed. “You are too damn charming, Chuck.”

  “You rode over with Jesse, right?” Brittany asked. “No date tonight?”

  Chuck swallowed his beer down and gave the most honest answer he could. “I don’t have a girlfriend.”

  Kelly, the stately blonde who was married to Ryan, slapped the bar. “Wait. You’re the gay one.”

  “Kelly!” Lila chastised. “What the fuck?”

  “What? There are too many breeders here as it is.”

  All the wives stared at Kelly in disbelief.

  Chuck cleared his throat. Unlike Ryan, Kelly’s brand of homophobia was easier to deal with gracefully.

  “I think you need a refill on that drink, Kell,” Chuck said. She handed over her nearly empty wine glass. “Just don’t try to talk shoes with me. Or musicals. I’m not that kind of guy.”

  Lila bumped her hip against his. “We’ve got Danny for that. My husband is a clothes and shoes whore who vacuums the house while listening to the Beauty and the Beast soundtrack.”

  “In his underwear,” Kelly added.

  “At least they’re Calvin Klein’s.”

  “So, no boyfriend then either?” Brittany asked. “You looking, Chuck?”

  Chuck shook his head. “Definitely not looking.”

  “Bummer. I love fixing people up.” Brittany leaned a hip against the bar. “Now tell us about this project you’re working on with Kam. You’ve made his year, you know that, right?”

  And that was it. Not one more mention of his sexuality or uncomfortable questions. They talked about the boxing club, then moved on to stories about the boys. He was beginning to realize this was their ritual—reliving past exploits and sharing decades of history with each other. Jesse was right. They were a tight group that was fiercely loyal to each other despite their faults and idiosyncrasies, and somehow they’d welcomed him as part of their bonded pack.

  He mixed drinks, refilled glasses, and found himself laughing harder than he had in months. Over each drink and each shared story—about their families and their jobs—he connected with the Kensington wives in a completely different way than he had with the boys.

  Chuck wasn’t sure exactly how much time had passed when Jesse appeared at his side again, a drained beer bottle in his fingers that he stuffed into the recycling container below the bar.

  Jesse’s hand settled on Chuck’s back for only a second, but the touch was intimate and familiar. “You doing okay?”

  Chuck smiled. “Having a great time. And you are getting so much shit tomorrow for the stories the wives have been spilling to me all—”

  Kam leaned over the bar. “Rachel’s here.”

  “Shots?” Matt asked as he sidled up.

  “Sollie,” Kam warned.

  Jesse gave a clipped nod. “Shots.”

  Chuck waved away the offered shot glass, but next to him, Jesse downed three back-to-back. Adding to the dwindling twelve pack in the refrigerator, Jesse had to be well on his way to shit-faced.

  Kam sneered and walked away.

  “Who the hell invited Rachel?” Lila asked as she came up between Jesse and Chuck.

  Chuck followed her glare across the room to a tall, toned woman chatting with one of the boys. She wasn’t perfectly manicured like the other women. Down to earth, Chuck would have called her if he’d just met her on the street. He knew nothing about Rachel outside of her history with Jesse, but the way Lila eyed her made Chuck’s stomach churn.

  “She’s friends with one of Kam’s neighbors and they invited her,” Jesse answered.

  “I know I joke about my kids being hellions, but that woman is an actual demon. No, a succubus. I thought we banished her a long time ago.”

  Jesse laughed, a raucous noise that sounded forced, and Rachel’s gaze snapped up, finding Jesse across the room.

  Lila leveled Jesse with a knowing look. “Ma
ybe she needs to know you’re dating someone.”

  A cold shock blasted through Chuck’s veins. Had Jesse told Lila about them? Chuck glanced down at her, but Lila’s focus stayed on Jesse, a clear challenge despite being half his size.

  Jesse clenched his jaw then downed the rest of his beer. “I’m going to get food.”

  “Probably a good idea,” Lila said. “And lay off the drinks for a while too, Sollie.”

  Jesse scoffed and ambled off.

  Lila shook her head and faced Chuck. “I would tell you to watch how much he’s drinking, but no one can stop him when he gets like this. It’s a problem.”

  Chuck leaned on the bar so he could look her in the eye. And to hide how badly his hands were shaking. “What?”

  “Danny would tell me I’m talking out of turn because not everyone thinks it’s a problem. But I do. And it affects everyone when he gets like this.”

  “All because of Rachel?”

  “It’s a different reason every time, or sometimes no reason at all. Rachel being here definitely doesn’t help.”

  “She’s really that bad?”

  “Jesse fell in love with her. I just don’t know how.”

  Chuck winced. It was only now occurring to Chuck that Jesse had never really answered if there was anything still there between them.

  Lila furrowed her brows, taking in his reaction. “Okay. I need to shut up now. I think I’m going to take off before this party spirals into chaos.”

  Yeah, maybe he needed to as well.

  “It was great to meet you, Chuck. I, uh….” Lila paused, then wrapped him into a hug. “I hope to see you around again.”

  “Me too.”

  The wives cleared out one by one after Lila left, saying their goodbyes. Once the neighbors started to leave too, Brittany made the rounds to ensure everyone had either a sober ride home or invited them to crash on a couch, then she excused herself and went to bed. There were only the boys left.

  And Rachel.

  Chuck shifted on his feet, trying to decide what he needed to do. He was stone cold sober, but his boyfriend was far from it.

  Jesse was across the room throwing the kid’s toys at his friends, raising vocal protests from the boys and more than a couple red welts and bruises. To cap it off, every Kensington wife got inserted into a vulgar comeback to the boys who tried to calm him down.

  It was childish and vindictive for no good reason.

  Chuck was stunned.

  Jesse weaved around the room, his massive frame barely able to remain standing. Only his forward momentum kept him on his feet. His eyes were glassy, half-lidded, and unfocused. He didn’t look for Chuck. He didn’t look like he knew anyone was around until they passed within inches of his vision. A bottle of Jack Daniel’s, half-drained, dangled from his fingertips. He held the bottle precariously, literally with the tips of his fingers, and Chuck waited for it to crash to the floor as Jesse stumbled his way toward the couch and collapsed into it.

  But he didn’t move to help Jesse. He was pissed and growing more so by the second.

  Jesse’s temper might have been fueled by alcohol, but the liquor couldn’t completely explain the sudden change. This was a Jesse Chuck didn’t know at all.

  “Godzilla,” Kam said next to Chuck.

  Chuck hadn’t even realized Jesse’s best friend was standing there. He’d heard the name Godzilla before as it related to Jesse—the name the boys called him when he blacked out. Chuck thought they’d been exaggerating since he hadn’t seen it for himself. That it was just another Kensington tall tale. Apparently not.

  “I’m embarrassed for him,” Chuck finally answered.

  “You should be pissed,” Kam said.

  Chuck froze with the emphasis Kam placed on that first word, the implications clear.

  “This happens often?” he ground out. He couldn’t meet Kam’s eyes.

  “Enough.”

  Chuck inhaled a shuddering breath and met Kam’s eyes. “And you’re okay with that?”

  “Fuck no. But Jesse’s an adult. He knows he shouldn’t drink as much as he does sometimes. No matter what he tells you, he knows his limits, and his real limit is nothing. No alcohol. One beer has the potential of spiraling him into this every single time. I’ve told him he needs treatment and he laughed it off. I’m definitely not okay with it.”

  Between Jesse’s asshole behavior and the confirmation that both Kam and Lila thought Jesse had a problem with alcohol, Chuck had almost forgotten there weren’t just Kensington boys left in the room.

  Then Jesse called out in a thick, slurred voice, “Pop it off, Rachel! Let’s see those tits.”

  Jesse’s descent into hell was rapid and complete.

  Or at least Chuck thought it couldn’t get any worse.

  Then Rachel palmed Jesse’s cock through the fabric of his jeans. Jesse didn’t stop her. And neither did Chuck.

  She swung her leg around and straddled his thighs, scooting closer until she was pressed to him from groin to chest. Her hands cradled his jaw as she tried to coax him into looking at her. Then Rachel was grinding against Jesse as his head dropped back on the couch and a groan slipped past his lips. Jesse looked as blissed out now as he had been fucking Chuck only hours ago.

  It was a near mirror image of Chuck and Jesse’s first time. But the scene in front of him rotted the memory of them together, blackened it at the edges.

  The boys cheered Rachel on. Everyone except Kam.

  Kam swore out loud and crossed his arms, standing shoulder to shoulder with Chuck. He shook his head slowly. “I’m sorry, Chuck.”

  Yeah, Kam definitely knew about them. And Chuck didn’t give a fuck if his reaction was all the confirmation Kam needed.

  “Jesse can find his own way home,” he gritted out. “Thanks for having me, Kam.”

  Kam’s jaw flexed. “I’ll see you at the club tomorrow.”

  Chuck stepped out from the protection of the bar. There were five steps, maybe six, between him and Jesse, but the gulf felt impassable.

  Instead of going for Jesse, he grabbed his coat from the office and stalked out, slamming the door behind him.

  10

  Jesse pushed through the restaurant door and into the dingy light of the diner, desperate for greasy food to still his queasy stomach, yet unwilling to make the trek to McLoughlin’s. His ego was still too bruised—and the gaps in the night way too wide—to risk running into one, or more, of the boys.

  His hangover was the worst he’d had in months. He’d shot out of bed this morning because of an overwhelming wave of sickness rolling through him and within seconds he’d remembered that it wasn’t just whiskey making his stomach twist, it was shame.

  What the hell had he done last night?

  “Sollie!” A woman’s voice called out from the line of high-top tables by the windows. Jesse winced, rubbing at his temple, and saw Lila waving at him.

  “Fuck,” he muttered and headed in her direction.

  She half-stood to embrace him, motioned to the other chair, then tucked one leg under her, dropping back into her own seat. “What the hell are you doing here?”

  Jesse shrugged and sagged into the chair across from her. “Had to get out of the house.”

  Her keen eyes raked over him. “You want to sit with me for a bit?”

  “Sure,” Jesse said. He might have been a prick last night, but that didn’t mean he needed to be one this morning. Especially not to her. “I’m going to order first. You want anything?” Lila shook her head.

  He stumbled to the counter and ordered two croissants with bacon, egg, and cheese and a gigantic size coffee that he loaded up with cream and sugar. Hands full, and the scent alone making his headache ease up, he took a seat across from Lila, who shut her laptop and proceeded to silently stare him down.

  Jesse shifted uncomfortably under her x-ray stare. “I thought you were still on maternity leave.”

  “I took on freelance work to get some time out of the house. But that
’s not what I want to talk about.” She leaned forward, setting her hands on her laptop. “So, Chuck….”

  “What about him?”

  “Did he have fun at the party last night?”

  Jesse blew into his coffee cup, restraining a grimace. “I don’t know. You’d have to ask him.”

  She tapped her nails against the closed laptop. “Why? Didn’t you wake up next to him this morning?”

  Jesse’s heart skittered, his head pounded, and his vision blurred, but he couldn’t blame any of it on his hangover. He suspected Kam knew, but Kam had spent hours with Chuck and him over the last two months. Lila had only seen them together one night. How the hell did she know?

  “What—? Why—? I don’t…. Lila.”

  “He’s the one you called me about that night, isn’t he? The one you wanted to be something serious? God, I totally should’ve known then that you were going to come out of the closet—”

  Jesse’s stomach flipped. “Lila—”

  “…Because you’re gay.”

  Jesse gritted his teeth at the label, a flash of anger overriding his panic. He crossed his arms. “I’m not.”

  “Give me a break, Sollie. I’ve known you almost as long as Danny has. There’s something between you and Chuck. I’ve never seen you look at anyone like you do at him.” Jesse swallowed thickly and Lila’s features softened. “Jesse, I’m not going to judge you—”

  “I know you won’t….” Jesse cut in.

  Did he? He was closer to her than any of the other wives. People often assumed they were a couple because her facial features and skin tone more closely matched his than Danny’s did. And maybe those physical similarities—and how it set them apart from everyone else—had been why they’d gravitated to each other as kids, but it wasn’t why they were still friends now.

  He trusted her.

  And not just because of the passing of time or shared experiences. He hadn’t thought he’d been that transparent last night, but she’d seen past his façade. She took the time to understand him in a way no one else did.

  He ran his fingers through his hair and sagged forward, resting his elbows on the table. “I just…. I really don’t know if I am.”